The One That (maybe didn't) Get Away

We all have them. Deep in our past, submerged, the memory of the person who slipped through our hands like a bright fish. Sometimes, like unsuccessful fishermen, we replay the scenes from our former lives, thinking that if we had just tried harder, if the timing had been right, the river less swift, the ending would have been different. In the end, it is impossible to know.

If you’re a writer, you might have one of these too. It could be a novel, a short story, a project that still tugs at your heartstrings. There are random moments when you begin to believe it in again, haul it up from the depths and write a few sentences. You read the draft, wondering where it all went wrong. Then there are the days when even thinking about it makes you nauseous, and you cringe at what you perceive to be ill-crafted words and even the entire, pointless, ridiculous idea.

I’m that way with two of my writing projects. I keep chasing after them after letting them swim inside my subconscious for months.  Suddenly I will come up with an idea and type feverishly; allowing myself to imagine that there is hope after all. Then it will languish again, as I convince myself they will never work, there's not enough narrative arc, not enough of a hook, the characters too unlovable. I have participated in this dance for years now.

The only way to resolve the one who got away is to either cut all ties, dust off your heart and walk away, or commit to making a go of it. I waver between these two extremes.

When to cut the line and when to hang on?  It is a personal thing, and nobody’s advice can really help make that decision.  I’ve come up with these guidelines:

·         Is it keeping me from the rest of my writing, or do I still have the capacity to create?

·         Is it just too hard? Writing is hard enough without forcing something that isn’t right.

·         Would I write it anyway, even if it has no hope of being published?

·         Does everyone around me roll their eyes when I trot it out?

·         Conversely, do people nag me to write more so they can know what happens?

·         Does working on it bring passion and joy to my life?

I can’t say what the future will bring for my writing projects. Will they be flashes in the water, glimpses of potential that slip away? Will I ever land them? I know that for now I will keep trying, casting my words out there into the unknown and seeing what I can bring in.